The Engaged Life

What’s most important to me is that we love the qualities of each other that are foundational to our character and that make us who we are, no one else, but us. Making a connection with another person’s values is the strongest connection you can find.

Written to celebrate my one year engagement anniversary

Isaiah and Peta-Ann – insta: mixedwitlove

Being in a committed relationship is a world-win of emotions, feeling, thoughts and perspectives but ultimately such a comfortable and genuine place to rest your heart.

Since being engaged 1 year ago, I’ve started to look at our relationship as the beginning of an eternal union and have silently been analyzing our highs and our lows through the eyes of marriage. Being young and fully committed is a challenge when there aren’t many of my peers that are in the same category or even close to be – which is 100% fine – but having few people that share the same experiences, I am reluctant to share moments with them and opinions about the relationship because I know honestly that they just won’t understand in the same way. They don’t know what we have but I sometimes wish they could find it for themselves.

My partner and I are on a track, in step together down a path that leads us wherever God means it to go but what we know is that we’re extremely excited to be on it together. What’s most important to me is that we love the qualities of each other that are foundational to our character and that make us who we are, no one else, but us. Making a connection with another person’s values is the strongest connection you can find. This is because if you cannot put the similar amount of energy into the things that mean the most to you (like: family time, unique experiences, honesty, integrity, being present etc.) then you may catch yourself in a constant state of disagreement, now how can love live in that?

I say all this to say, 1 year into the engagement, or pre-marriage as I sometimes think, and almost 5 years together, we’re still figuring it out. We disagree and argue here and there but we know it’s as great as its always been. I’ll leave you with a piece of advice that helps me overcome those moments when my brain hits the gas petal and I start to overthink…no one knows what you’re going through but you, no one knows your relationship but you, stop trying to improve on what is already good and just enjoy your moment.

Thank you for reading this Urban Guide

Valentines Day Exposed – Read the Truth Behind the Hearts and Candy from the Male Perspective

In movies the guys are either rich or spend too much which is hard to believe because we never actually see them working. In real life, a dinner with a small gift will always be better than big presents (and more affordable). 

Read this post to uncover the truth about valentines day. Love is in the air.  Urban Guide to the Galaxy wants to spread some #truth about this holiday and offer the male perspectives on what should be expected on this female dominated holiday.

This guide may not capture everyone’s sentiment but will still be entertaining nonetheless. For insights on the male perspective of this holiday. I asked my coworker friend (who might I say, is very honest and in touch with his feelings).  Read his answers below


I asked….

What does valentines day mean to you? 

  • Time of giving to people you like, Gifts for significant others
  • Reflection on the past relationships, their ups and downs, and how you want to be treated
  • Reminiscing happy memories and creating new ones (even if its with friends, lovers, pets, you name it)

Describe valentines day in the movies vs. Reality

  • In movies the guys are either rich or spend too much which is hard to believe because we never see them actually working
  • In real life, a dinner with a small gift will always be better than big presents
  • Thoughtful gifts trump gifts that cost bags of money (In my opinion both sides should give gifts to each other, guys need love too)
  • Reality, a candle lit dinner in an apartment or house is usually good enough. Or depending on the person sometimes Netflix, and ordering junk food is also the best date.
  • Spending the whole day together instead of one night would be a better thing to do, but that’s my opinion

What do guys want for valentine’s day

  • Depending on my interest at the time. I would want something thoughtful but not too expensive but not too cheap either, so I don’t really know. Lol.
  • Possibly a new signature smell (perfume) (Something that smells good and goes together with the other persons perfume, (Complement each other)
  • Nice homemade dinner at an Airbnb or at whomever house/apt. Surprise me with my favorite dish
  • Some game like Call of Duty or any games/hobbies that I like
  • Maybe sports games tickets for two. Tickets for me and a buddy or (couple) to go the game
  • Personally, speaking I like live shows and musicals! That would be fun for me but it has to have good reviews

How should one make the most of their time with someone they care about?

  • I don’t know… Spend time with them. Have fun get into deep talks about life.
  • Talk about aspirations and goals, things you both want to do together…travel etc.
  • Do something you both enjoy, it’s not like a one-sided thing
  • If you like going out then go out, but if you like being more of a homebody then stay in, order food or cook together. It’s important to spend time bonding
  • Try not to talk about yourself too much wait for questions to be asked so you don’t take over the whole conversation
  • Enjoy the night and the day. Don’t show disinterest unless the topic of conversation is boring as hell. Try new things… do new things….
  • Be serious and show you care…. Don’t just keep saying it. Talk is cheap

And there you have it. The truth about Valentines day. Sending love to everyone this month and remember to check back for more Urban Guides.

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Photo from Unsplash by:  @rsanchescarvalho

Pillow Talk – This guide will offer some professional opinions on contraception, and identify a starting point to create a sexual health plan

From contraception to comfortability, everyone has the right to be in control of their sexual health and the best way to make the best decisions for yourself is to have relevant information.

Stay informed and empowered to protect your sexual and reproductive health

Decisions around sex are often made in the heat of the moment. Many forget to take the time to think about their sexual health and fail to consider the affect their sex-life can have on their personal well-being. From contraception to comfortability, everyone has the right to be in control of their sexual health and the best way to make the best decisions for yourself is to have relevant information.

Contraception

Reproductiveaccess.org is the website for The Reproductive Health Access Network which pulls together nearly 1,400 primary care clinicians from all over the country to work together nationally and in their respective communities to expand access to abortion, contraception, and miscarriage care in their clinical and teaching practices. They offer a thorough analysis of contraceptive methods. Look below:

Contraception Choices

Making a Sexual Health Plan

There is no right or wrong way to create an individualized sexual health plan that suits you and reflects your values and personal circumstances. Some prefer to write it down, some like to chat about it with people they trust, some like to keep it in their head. The idea is to be prepared so you are in the best position to take control of your well-being.

Here are some questions to help you start thinking about your sexual health plan:

  • At this point in my life, engaging in sexual activity with a partner(s) is a good decision for me. Consider.
    • How ready I feel
    • Circumstances and context
    • My values, including religious values if relevant
    • My parents’/guardians’ values if relevant
    • Do I have the information and resources necessary to protect myself from or treat an STI? To prevent pregnancy if I don’t want to be pregnant? If not, where could I access this information and/or those resources?
    • Do I know what I’d do if I got pregnant?
  • At this point in my life, I feel comfortable having sex in the context of:
    • Casual relationships
    • Dating
    • A monogamous relationship
    • A non-monogamous relationship
    • Marriage
    • ______
  • I believe that I have the information and resources necessary to plan how to:
    • Talk to a partner about the importance of safer sex, like using condoms
    • Use condoms every time I have sex
    • Take the necessary steps to have safer sex if I wish to have condomless sex with a trusted partner (i.e. to discuss both partners getting tested and agreeing to be monogamous)
    • Make sure I have access to and can use effective birth control or contraception if I have vaginal sex
    • Get tested for an STI, and get treatment if necessary
    • Get tested for pregnancy if necessary
    • Deal with an unintended pregnancy

Thank for reading. Stay Tuned for more Urban Guides.

Photo provided by: Unsplash by Marion Michele